I can't believe this is my first blog post! I've always wanted to start a blog, but I was very apprehensive about being so public with my life. I have a Facebook that I randomly update, and I tweet once every 6 months. That should be enough, right?
There have been so many people who have told me that I should start a blog because I am "hilarious" or "my life is so funny" or (in PG terms) I "say the funniest crap." I do plan on exposing you to some of the more interesting (or crazy) stories of my life, but today I feel the need to open up about something more serious and very personal to me.
Since the age of 12, I have been plagued with debilitating pain associated with my period. That is certainly one of the most difficult sentences to write, not only because it is an uncomfortable subject for some people, but also becaue it means that some of my most personal information is out there for the world to see. I don't know why, but I have this overwhelming sense of relief after finally being able to admit publicly that I have this medical condition. I am tired of making excuses. I'm tired of having to say things like "Sorry, I can't go. I've got my period." I'm pretty sure that Nick's friends must think I have the worst immune system in the history of the world because I can't tell you how many times I've overheard him telling someone "no, I don't think we can. Taylor's sick" when the reality is that I'm just stuck in bed with my heating pad, my trusty bed-buddies (the puppies) and enough Midol to stock the shelves of every Walgreens in the south. And I can't even explain the feeling of failure that sticks with me when I hear him changing his plans or declining invitations to dinner or a movie or any other outing that he was looking forward to.
This monthly "curse" has been going on my entire adolescent and (now) adult life. There is no cure, there is no magic pill, and the relief I do (sometimes) get is minimal.
I have been told "they're just cramps" so many times I could scream. I have sat in doctor's offices and felt like I was wasting their precious time because there are "real" sick people waiting while I'm only there because I've got my period, something so simple that 11-year-old girls can deal with it every month. I have sat in front of medical professionals and explained every embarrassing detail of my long list of symptoms just to be told over and over again "here, try this birth control. It should help." I'm really happy that birth control pills can (and do) work for some women. I am not one of those women. I've tried. I have been on 5 or more (I started to lose count) different types of birth control, all with horrible side effects ranging from weight gain to headaches to uncontrollable mood-swings. I read somewhere recently that the average woman will cry between 30 and 64 times in one year. I could reach 64 crying episodes in one week while I was under the influence of birth control pills.
When I was a teenager, my periods could be so bad that I would spend at least 1 day throwing up from the pain and nausea. This went on for years. My mom would be so worried about how much I was throwing up that she would take me to the closest walk-in clinic. I would usually end up with a shot of pain medication (to help with cramps) and a shot of promethazine (Phenergan) for the nausea. More often than not, I would still be throwing up on the way home. Dragging myself out of bed in the state I was in was definitely hard enough without having to sit inside a waiting room for a minimum of 1.5 hours, get at least 2 shots (in case you don't know--a Phenergan shot is NOT pleasant) and then still be suffering from the same pain and nauseousness as before.
In junior high, (before the days when 12-year-olds carried a cell phone) there was only one secretary in the office who would let me call my parents because of cramps. If she wasn't there, I was screwed. No other secretary thought that laying on the bathroom floor in pain warranted a phone call to my parents to let them know that I needed them to bring me medication. I honestly don't think those women were trying to be mean. It's possible that they thought I was faking sick just so that I could go home all the time. This is a likely scenario, seeing as I was "sick" constantly and I think they realized it. Every once in a while, I still see the "good" secretary around town. The one who would let me call my parents if I said I needed to. I don't know if she recognizes me, but I recognize her. I will always remember her as being one of the few people who believed me when I said I was hurting.
I can also remember (and still feel) the shock I felt when I had a friend in junior high who saw my hidden stash of Ibuprofen in my purse and asked me why I was bringing pills to school when I knew it was against the rules (the nerve of some people!). When I explained to her that I had horrible cramps and sometimes the women in the office wouldn't let me call my parents, she said (serious as can be) "Cramps? Really? I never even get cramps!" I can't even imagine the look of confusion on my face as I tried to piece together the fact that some girls got cramps, while others didn't. I also don't want to imagine what my face must have looked like when I realized that she was one of the lucky ones and I wanted her to feel my pain, even for a few minutes, and even if it meant that I had to hold her down and inflict this pain on her myself.
There was also an instance during the summer between 7th and 8th grades. My sisters and I had gone to stay with my aunt, uncle and cousin in Texas for about a week. For one of our outings, we had planned to visit a huge water park. Hallee, Lindsey, Tracy and I were so excited. We don't even have a water park that big around here, so we were thrilled. I remember talking about it for days! Unfortunately, the day of our planned water park experience, we had to cancel because I got my period. I spent the morning alternating between throwing up and sleeping. At one point I woke up long enough to hear Hallee, Lindsey and Tracy talking about some mean boy they ran into at the school playground (part of their alternative outing since the water park was out of the question) and all I could think about was the fact that if I could get out of bed for more than 5 minutes, I would go to the playground and show him who was boss.
When I was in high school, I had more of an advantage while I was at school during the day. My mother was a teacher where I attended high school, so I didn't need permission from anyone to go to her classroom and get something for pain. She was also able to explain to my teachers that I wasn't feeling well. I have no idea what she told them, but I always felt that deep down, they probably thought I was faking an illness too. There was a system we would go through sometimes if I was having a rough time. On the days I was feeling sick, I would go to class for 25 minutes. That was how long I needed to actually be in class for my attendance to be counted. After the first 25 minutes, I could go to the nurses office (or to a special education classroom with a couch) and lay down. I had about 30 minutes to lay still before I had to get back up and try to survive another 25 minutes of nausea, dizziness and stomach pain while sitting through class.
Finally, when I was 18, I saw a doctor who has known my mother and grandmother for many years and he prescribed me my very first birth control pills. While the monthly vomitting stopped (for the most part) I was still experiencing excruciating pain for around 2 weeks every month. This was the beginning of the birth control switch-a-roo. I went to several different doctors in hopes that maybe one of them would have the right formula to make the pain stop so that I could start living a "normal" life. Anytime they would suggest a new pill, I was supposed to wait and give it around 3-4 months to take effect. Eventually, this cycle of wait-and-see turned into years as we were trying to find the "right" pill.
Throughout my life, it has been normal to plan things around my period. In fact, if it's a family event and I know my sisters will help plan things around our periods (we are usually synced up) then it's even better/easier/more efficient. Last year, we were brainstorming dates for my sister Hallee's wedding shower. There was actually a discussion about which weekend we would all be free from our periods. This is totally normal. There was another instance where we were all in Memphis for a fun, family (boyfriends included) weekend. We ended up leaving earlier than planned because we all started our periods and were miserable. Again, this is completely normal! I don't know of many (if any) other families who have to plan events around menstrual cycles like we do.
I once attended a pageant in Hot Springs with my family while I was on my period. I wanted to be there so bad, but I was feeling awful. I ended up taking 1/2 a pain pill and dragging a chair to the wall so that I could use the electrical outlet to plug in my heating pad. On the way home, I had the heating pad plugged in to an adapter in the car, and I was completely passed out from the pain pill. It doesn't take much to knock me out!
I have missed dinners, birthday parties, bridal showers, baby showers, holiday gatherings, even Thanksgiving and Christmas celebrations because of excruciating cramps. If I've missed your special day in the past, this is probably why. I apologize!
Last year in May, I made an appointment with yet another OB/GYN. I went in prepared, with all my notes printed off from my handy Period Tracker app. These are notes that I have been keeping for the past 3+ years in hopes that I will be taken seriously when I go in for an appointment. Instead of trying to explain that I had bad periods, I wanted to be able to be specific about every little detail. And believe me, these notes are extensive.
This new doctor was so laid-back. He walked into the room in a Hawaiian shirt and cargo pants. At first, I thought that maybe he was there with his wife (another patient waiting in the doctor's office) and had to use the restroom, got lost, and went into the wrong room. He then introduced himself as the doctor, and I was so relieved. First of all, some random guy didn't just walk in on me by accident. Secondly, there was no white-coat, no condescending attitude. He didn't try to act like he knew my body better than I did. He listened to every word I said. He listened so intently that I didn't even feel the need to whip out my handy little packet of notes from the past 24 months and try shoving it in his face in hopes that he would take me seriously. After I was finished pouring out some of the most personal things I've ever told anyone, he said the words I didn't realize I wanted to hear: "Well, I think you've tried enough birth control pills. Let's get in there and see what's going on!" I left his office feeling vindicated. Finally someone (a medical professional) believed me and wanted to help me!
A little more than a month later, I was in surgery and had a confirmed diagnosis of endometriosis. I had heard of endometriosis before. In fact, I was pretty sure that was the problem to begin with. I've been told since I was about 15-16 years old that doctors believed that was what had been causing my pain. One doctor had even told me that his wife suffered from endometriosis and my symptoms sounded a lot like her symptoms. While many doctors suspected it, none of them had known for sure, since the only accurate way to diagnose it is through surgery. I have had ultrasounds, X-rays, and CT scans and none of them had shown the extra tissue growing on other areas outside of my uterus.
Here is a link to a website with an overview of endometriosis. It is short, sweet and to the point.
After surgery, I was hopeful that I would start feeling some relief every month. The doctor was able to remove extra tissue from some areas, but he couldn't remove all of it because of where the tissue was located. The lasers aren't safe to use in more delicate areas of the body. He also removed cysts from my cervix, which had been causing me pain. While I did get some pain relief from my lower back, I continue to have consistent pain every month. I definitely had high hopes after surgery, and I felt somewhat let down after my periods remained pretty much the same.
Less than 3 weeks ago, I began chiropractic/acupuncture therapy to help treat the symptoms of endometriosis. I have been taking 9 supplements each day to help balance my hormones and I have had to cut out gluten from my diet. After hearing these suggestions from my chiropractor/acupuncturist/HERO, (just kidding...kind of) I looked into all of it. There is plenty of information on the internet, and there are enough women who have had success with the things I am doing right now. If there is even an ounce of possiblity that I could benefit from something she suggests, then you better believe that I will be giving it a try. At this point, I have nothing to lose. I can no longer lay down (literally. Every month for 4-5 days) and accept that I will just suffer for the rest of my life with this ridiculous condition that keeps me from being able to do things that I want to do.
I felt that with March being National Endometriosis Awareness month, I had an opportunity to share my experience with friends and family who may not know the extent of the pain this condition can cause. It is a life-altering condition that I have no control over. If I say that I'm not feeling well, it is very likely that this is the reason.
I want to show appreciation to my parents, who have always tried doing everything they could to make me feel better. Daddy got me hooked on Dinty Moore Beef Stew and Twizzlers as "feel good" food. Momma has dropped everything she is doing to bring me anything I need. She can also be a sassy woman when she's had to call doctor's offices to ask about medication or request more Phenergan.
Nick has also been wonderful throughout this nearly 8-years-long bumpy ride. There are some days when I can hardly tolerate myself, and he still manages to bring home any and every kind of chocolate he thinks I might want. I was so impressed when he came home with a 5-lb Hershey's bar. If you've never seen what 5-lbs of Hershey's chocolate looks like, I've attached an image. It's pretty massive. When I asked him what he thought I was going to do with all that chocolate, he replied, "I figured that would last us for a few periods!" For the record- that was in November. It is now March 19th, and there is still chocolate in the freezer!
